So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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