MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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