I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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