She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
