i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
