I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
