she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
