I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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