For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
