my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
