Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
