i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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