Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
