I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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