Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
