Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
