just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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