Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize