Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
