I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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