You're so nebulous sometimes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
