We're like a lot better than the average bears
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
