first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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