Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just invented taco cereal.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
