I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
