so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
