My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
