He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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