that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize