Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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