I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
