Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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