I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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