Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize