No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
