I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
