Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
