all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
