Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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