so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
