I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
