Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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