I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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