that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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