you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
