I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
