dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
