he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
