my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
