smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
