apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
