Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
