i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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