i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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