Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
