never play flip cup with pint glasses
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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