I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
