Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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