I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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