That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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