And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
