How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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