are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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